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One of the most difficult cts of a breakup is dealing with seeing your ex with another woman. If after the breakup he is already dating someone else and you are going out of your mind with misery there are a few things you can do to make it a little easier on yourself. You may never forget the love you shared and you will probably feel a pang or two of grief for your loss even after you have moved on in another relationship. Speaking of that penetrating sadness you are bound to feel, breaking up with a spouse or boyfriend often means that you have also lost your best friend. After the initial flames of romance cool off and couples grow used to each other they often become more like best friends and less like lovers. In fact, it may take more time to heal from the loss of your best friend than the loss of a lover. One of the hardest things you will probably face is being able to walk away with your self esteem intact.

As confusing as it was for me, it was even worse because he had just told me two days prior that he wanted me to move there. Its been a little over a month since he broke up with me, and I still can't get him out of my head. I still see things on social media that upset me and bring me back down.

He is seeing another girl that he met where he lives and I can't help but think that he broke up with me because of her. He claims they were just friends but I can't believe that. I constantly think of him and how he is so much happier with her, but here I am dwelling in the past and still so upset over it. I don't know what to do. I just don't understand how you can do that to someone you claim to love. I cry often about it and feel like I'm all alone because the only person I want to talk to is him.

I would just love some advice from you that could help me move on with my life. Thank you. Maybe, but probably not. It's about feelings changing over time and decisions that bump you to a new path. In this case, it sounds like age, distance, and all sorts of other factors played into the decision to let go.

I'm so sorry it hurts so much, but it doesn't do much good to try to figure out his motives. You are doing so well on your NC. The OW across the street is also about 25 years younger than him, not attractive, also married, etc. And you are right, it has felt good to have less drama in my life without him causing it, wondering every day if I am going to hear from him, if he will want to see me, if he will start up crap with me or make me feel bad, etc.

That part I do NOT miss. Life has been a bit less complicated without him in it. Thanks for your insight. It was nice outside today and I was sitting outside with my laptop working. I saw my assclown, who lives two doors down from me on our street, drive by with his wife and family. Hopefully everyone has read my story to understand the details. I really miss him so much and hate that SHE even though she has every right since she is his wife gets to go places with him, eat with him, see him in the morning and at night.

He stopped talking to me in Jan with no explanation, just cut me off cold turkey. Since I feel things are so unresolved, seeing him with her completely destroys my heart. Remember this assclown also has a relationship going on with the woman across the street, and I have to watch him with her as well. I am also having a really time understanding why these types of men can treat us like this after we have been nothing but kind and generous and loving and patient, and not have to pay any consequences.

WE are the ones who pay the consequences, and they carry on like they never knew us. Miserable Love you will never find the answers, trust me on that. I have read so many books on this and still never found the answers.

The best book. That is not how it works, and it will take some time to see that. These men are not real, they are shells, they are insecure, self centered and have no idea what love is. The fact that you have to see him everyday sucks. I remember when i broke up with my ex assclown last year, we had a very good mutual friend, a guy.

He asked about a month after the break up. I will never forget that. You will be better, you will rise above this and he will still be doing the sam sht. Jump on your lap top on the back deck next time. Try to take small steps to avoid little setbacks. Thanks for the advice. You are absolutely right. My assclown is definitely narcissistic and probably bipolar with his mood swings. What you said about him being a shell and not real is the absolute truth.

What I fell in love with was a facade, and does not exist. He was faking it or acting the whole time, just to reel me in. I am slowly pulling away from the habit of watching him, looking out the window, etc. I just miss him and feel happy just catching a glimpse of him. So, I might as well sit in the back with my laptop or stay in the house, like you said.

He has been out of my sight for 4 months and I love him just as much as I ever did and probably always will. I am really bitter about being the one who is paying all the consequences of our failed relationship or both of our poor decisions, etc.

He persistently bothered me for 4 years like a perpetrator, relentless, pushy, etc. I am really stuck on this. Does anyone else struggle with this, and can anyone else see when their assclown pays consequences? These articles are always like a kick up the backside for me. I understand everything this article says and logically, I agree with it.

Miserable Love. The reality is this. Trust me on this. I used to say the same exact thing. He will be with this girl til she starts asking questions or until she sees thru his facade and moves on. Who wants to live like that? Sharp and to the point. Thank you for being my friend and listening and understanding.

I will get that book and read it. I am so glad to have found someone who knows exactly what I am going through. And lots of people on this site have had similar issues with assclowns. I sure hope you are right about the fact that he is paying consequences.

The hope that he is is the only thing getting me through each day right now.

opinion you are

The last time I talked to him in January, he had already cut me off cold turkey, stopped responding to my texts, so I tried one last ditch effort to walk down to his house when he was out so that I could get the truth to my face. I still to this day have no idea what happened, what decision he had to make, etc.

I asked him if he wanted to talk, he said NO, so I turned around and walked away and never looked back, never have spoken to him again. So needless to say, I felt kicked to the curb, slamblasted. I have done an excellent job, but inside I feel like dying and crawling under a rock because I worry that he is laughing inside at my stupidity and that he thinks I am an idiot.

What can I do to let him know that I am better without him, happier, and that he lost the best thing he ever had? Any advice or insight into this? Miserable Love, why do you want to know that you are back on top? He is married, you are married. He has a perfect shield - his marriage that he can hide behind. He got money from you, right? What do you think he wants from her? A Relationship? A new wife? This man is nothing but a user, he used you, the other woman on the street, the other woman 2 streets over and so on.

I apologize if I come across too harsh, I had my own experience. Astelle, If you had your own experience it is likely you understand what I am going through I have no intention or desire to contact him, walk to his house, wave at him, etc.

casually found

I feel so victimized and violated by how he treated me. He was so cruel, mean, insensitive, never caring much about my feelings, then to top it all off, he said he had too much going on in his life to put up with me and my demand for respect and for him to value my feelings and opinions. How does a person come back from something like that? Especially when I have to see him every single day, as he lives two doors down?

It is hard to go outside knowing that you were violated in such a vile manner. It has been really hard for me to hold my head high. I gave him everything that I am, my soul, my heart, my love and was left with nothing from him. Yes, he is seeing other women. I am not sure what he is looking for. Sex for sure, maybe he is looking for someone better than his wife?

agree with told

I understand that he is a user and that he used me, all the more reason that it is important for ME to somehow know that down deep HE KNOWS what an ass he is and that he knows I am a better person and better off without him. That is what I wanted to know. Miserable Love, I feel like you need to try as much as possible to breathe and bring your sight line back to you. While he may be physically proximate, you are allowing him to eclipse your every thought as well.

And the reality of him is he is a MESS and not in a sympathetic way! It is so, so painful to lose love, no matter how it revealed itself.

That gut-wrenching moment when you find out your ex has moved on with someone else. Whether they're seeing, sleeping with or in a full blown relationship with someone else, the pain of knowing that it's really over can be unbearable. I think part of that pain is not being able to understand how they're able to move on so quickly. Featured Comment "It's only been a month so you should be right where you are. If you see things on social media that upset you, stop looking. If you see that he's confused and telling you to move there one day and then dumping you the next, and if you see that he's already dating someone else while you are mourning over the loss, guess which one of you will be more . Lara BelmontNina.

But your words describe such a toxic situation with you as its captive audience. It is time to reject that mess. Any of those things introduces the possibility of interrupting the obsession, and refocusing your energy on you and your recovery. Healing includes getting angry. And you have every right to be angry at all cts of the situation. And then the right to let it go and live your OWN life, not his. You deserve you own love and compassion most of all. It sounds like your situation was one thing and now it is another.

In all of his situations, he is triangulating his relationships and feelings, lighting fires on every corner, staging crazy Shakespearean-style star-crossed tragedies, pitting people against one another, and overall just making a total disaster of his life, other peoples lives, and the neighborhood.

Hes dating someone else already

You deserve health, joy, honesty, consistency, clarity, confidence, and the love of your friends and family. Looking for revenge only returns the focus to him and good grief, he certainly has enough attention as it is! You have no control over what he thinks about you. I remember when i was in therapy, i was so obsessed with talking about what HE was doing, what HE was thinking, HIS behavior, when finally my thereapist told me that she did not know HIM and was not there to analyze him, but to work on me and stop the obsessing.

I did it all. It was one thing after the other and it dug me deeper and deeper into a hole i will never go back to. I lost myself, felt like i was not worthy, could not put my head around what went wrong, how he turned, what i did. I have never felt so insecure in my life and it started while we were still together and the it was almost over. You will never find the answers.

consider, that

The best way to proof anything to him and yourself is to move on. Chances are he is not thinking of you, he has too much other sht on his plate. Once you heal within, your actions will will speak volumes to him about what a loser he is!!! You have to want to move on. These feelings must be getting old?. You are doing good, no contact, but stop obsessing and get to therapy or a bookstore and start some self help. I am so thankful that I found this site! I was recently devastated by an assclown and reading this and all the fantastic advice has actually begun to help me see what he really is!

I am still in the friend mode, but I realize now that I need to do NC. I just cannot bring myself to do it. I am tired of the roller coaster of ups and downs. I hurt for the loss of my future with him.

Mar 14,   Unfortunately, it is even more difficult to see when he left you. If after the breakup he is already dating someone else and you are going out of your mind with misery there are a few things you can do to make it a little easier on yourself. Cliche but True - Time Heals All Wounds. Nov 07,   There are variations of this common question being asked around this site. The common scenarios are: You've broken up with him and now he's dating someone else and they look so happy together. He said he didn't want to be in a relationship and now he's flaunting his latest. He said he wasn't going to choose you over his wife/girlfriend and now he's got a new .

I need some help putting a plan into action and going forward with it. I think the only way to do this is with NC. Everytime I decide this is it, I cave when he calls, which he does times a day. He acts as though nothing is wrong and inside I am dying. I switched phone plans to block his. I was not strong enough to ignore the calls, although it was not to that extent, but was also not strong enough to not call him especially after some cocktails.

I am so confused. I know this is the right thing to do in my head, espically after reading all the others that have done it, but how do you tell your heart that? Why do I keep holding onto hope? I am so much better then this clown and I know this! I get myself all prepared and ready to do it. I pick a date, then he calls! Like a radar goes off. I have already begun not to see him as much. There is no sex anymore. I feel so stupid for feeling this way.

When we ended things I was crushed, he called me 30 times that day to make sure I was ok. Then he tells me he loves me and I am the most amazing women he has ever known, and we have so much fun when we are together and he can talk to me about anything for hours and hours.

Then why do you not want a gf right now? This is the statement that I cannot get out of my head to convince myself to stop talking to him altogether. I did the same thing with the phone.

I really wish I had done the NC 2 months ago. I know that I am going to miss him so much. Even the thought makes me tear up! I also know that I cannot continue to live my life in this craziness.

I am so happy then so sad in a matter of minutes. I am driving myself crazy. As I type this he calls me and wants to see me tonight? Part of me wants to see him so much, but the more I do, the more pain I feel when he leaves. I cannot understand why these clowns cannot see what they are doing to us.

Here's What You Need To Realize If Your Ex Moved On Quickly

When I brought up the idea last week of taking a break from each other. I feel like I need a plan to occupy my mind. We are here for you! But, we texted all day as much as we could.

All you can tell your heart is that you are taking your life back. It is painful and excruciating. I held onto HOPE for the last 4 months. To this day, I naturally hold a little hope that he will come back around, but I have realized that after the first day of NC, he was too late. I have to live with that the rest of my life. No response. It was then I knew. Please read my other posts. I heard the same crap from my assclown: I love you, want you, need you, all the day before he stopped talking to me!!!

He gives you just the crumb you need to keep you hanging on! You deserve better! Do NC now! If you are really ready, you could even tell him that it is over, then you have to be strong enough to maintain the NC, or if he has been an ass to you, just start the NC without an explanation.

You deserve better!! We can help you. My assclown who is 54 years old cried once too. I thought it was genuine at the time. He no longer has a need for me, because I finally demanded that he respect me and value my feelings and opinions. Guess he decided I was too much work. He has already moved on to the woman across the street. Let us know how you are doing. Your needs need to start being met.

I had to check my calender to note that it was officially week eight, earlier today i thought it was three months. NC is hard but it is empowering. That does not mean the obsessing is magically gone, but I think you will notice a positive enough change, after two months, that you will want to continue NC.

Meanwhile if you do so some thinking, walking, writing, reading hereyou will probably have plenty of many amazing insights. If, however, at any point, you feel that you really made mistake, surely you must have done somethign wrong, and thus should initiate contact. The time spent with [your ex] was the happiest I have ever been. Aphrogirl is absolutely right!

I am not the one that initiated it, and I wanted to run back to him and get him back. The NC is the only thing that has given me a few ounces of dignity back!

We have to have some pride! I am still obsessing, but I am working on taking advice of the posts. What aphrogirl quoted at the end of her post is wonderful and will help us heal.

Nothing in that quote can I say is true about my EUM. He was hardly ever loving and was disrespecful and definitely thought of himself before me. It is really distressing.

phrase magnificent consider

He pursued me. I fought him for two years telling him to stay with his wife, as it was the right thing to do. He persisted and assured me I was the one he loved, wanted, and needed. I fell into the deceitful trap and let my senses take over. Now look where I am. Just hang in there! Thank you for all your comments.

The EUM that I am dealing with is not married, never has been. I just wish I could snap my fingers and be done with this. I have been addicted to this site since finding it a few days back. I smile, laugh and cry when I read the different blogs and comments as they all sound like I could have written them. Is this true with anyone else, that as soon as they feel you moving on, they try harder?

I have not made intial contact to him since last month. He has been the one calling and texting. When I talked to him a few weeks back and said that I thought that maybe I needed some space from him to heal, he was ok with that, he cried and said that was not whathe wanted, but if it was what I wanted it was ok with him.

Even though I know I need to. I feel so helpless to this clown. I have never been this way before? Bryan, Thank you! I hope you stay connected to this post and provide more advice and feedback!

You are so right! I have been having a terrible time with the fact that EUM lives so close to me. This has been my biggest obstacle in getting over this man. Thankfully, I stay pretty busy with my work, my kids, etc. And we have taken a couple vacations away, which did me a world of good except I know I worried about what HE was doing and with whom.

He is a MESS in every sense of the world, everything he touches lights on fire. But apparently he can and without remorse!! But I get up and go to bed with the same questions on my mind, and hope that the next day will be the day I finally get some answers. How could it be, I was everything he wanted when he wanted and not until did I start demanding something in return did he break up with me. He laughed when I called myself that.

He wanted someone to be there for him, but who had no brain, no feelings, and was mute. He would get mad when I did so.

Cliche but True - Time Heals All Wounds

I have never met a man who would get mad when you asked them how they were doing, but he did!! I was so stunned and hurt, I just cried for hours.

Of course, he later apologized. He has told me how he feels about his wife. He said he loved me because I was strong, a professional, independent, liked my personality, thought I was beautiful, loved everything about me, etc. I was totally his subordinate, and that is not my personality at all. Last night, I saw him sitting outside talking to his wife.

nice answer

I immediately broke down. I guess to him I am like litter on the side of the road. Can someone tell me how a person can be that way? Love us one day, not the next? Texting love one day, then pretending we are dead the next? No feelings left in one day? I have to live with the knowledge that he did this to me the rest of my life and it is the most worthless feeling in the world. Devastated, Have you tried putting the ball back into his court? If he wont, then tell him to stop contact you, then you can maintain no contact.

Only you can decide if it is time or not. If you have exhausted all efforts and he is not responding appropriately, it is time.

You need to decide how many times he has cried, you conceded, and he has still let you down. For some of us it takes only once, but for others it will take many times. You have to do what you are comfortable with. If you know deep down that nothing is going to ever change, it is time. He needs to pee or get off off the pot! It hurts inside because you cannot comprehend how another person could behave this way.

But reality is that there are sick people in this world who instead of facing their issues drag others into their sorted messes. The stories are different but the pain, suffering, and heartache are the same for us on the receiving end of assclowns. These questions above which you posted - unfortunately you will not get answers for. Their behavior is not normal, and in some ways asking all the questions is a form of control.

final, sorry

Trying to control a situation or incident of which you are powerless to change because it relates directly to EUM. There are no magic tricks here, no pill to take, no high powered drink mix, to wash away the pain and sorrow of what has happened and how devastated you are. Find acceptance that he is who he is, that by remaining NC with him you are taking back your own life and rebuilding yourself.

Betterwithouthim- Thank you, I know you are trying to help me. You are right, I want answers to those questions, because I am a woman of control, and he took that away from me by cutting me off with no remorse. Fortunately, my happiness is slowly returning and so is ME, the person I was before this horrible tragedy in my life. Thanks for all your insight. I am not the subordinate type, but when it came to him I was his subordinate, how much happier could he have been?

I just remind myself hourly that he is not happier without me. He has his miserable marriage and the less fortunate OW idiot across the street who is a twit, ignorant, uneducated, alcoholic, eating disordered witch, so my thoughts are if he is happier with that arrangement, more power to him.

Love is actions, not words. In my case I think I was with a man who wanted to love, but was not willing to work to overcome his significant and deep rooted issues that brought resistance to his loving anyone. He knew all this, sometimes reveled in his clown nature, sometimes was clearly tortured by it. But reality is, he never really did the work of loving me, with both feet in, and thus could never could give me what I wanted. It took me a long time to give up on him.

apologise, but

Being with is not loving. I have to see the EUM twice a week at a 2-hour long meeting. I feel I make a mental note of where he is in the room so I can move to the other side, or keep myself from accidentally meeting his eyes when I happen to be smiling.

His newest soul mate is also at the meeting now so get to ignore him as he plays the role of the solicitous, attentive boyfriend. I feel working this hard to ignore him just keeps me stuck. Also, I admit that it was satisfying to know my ignoring him initially confused and rattled him. Miserable Love, I have decided to confront him tonight for the last time. I am going to doexactly what you suggested as it makes the most sense. I know he will not give me what I want right now, so I am prepared to start NC.

I cannot do this to myself any longer. He was so sweet yesterday at work and I thought things would be good, the he went missing until this afternoon. With no real explanation. He is coming over this evening to see me and I am going to have this talk with him tonight.

This sucks, as I know I will have to start the heartbreak all over again. I need help! I have never in my life been this low and depressed. I read eveything I can on this and nothing seems to work. I only hope that I have the strenght to see it through and when I see him on Tuesday at work, I can continue with it. I just know I am going to miss him terribly and I cannot figure out why?

I was so lonely while I was with him. TJ: I can really related to your situation, as it has many similarities to mine. I really feel for you. You are always aware of where he is and who he is talking to, what he is doing, all without looking at him, just feeling him near you. My EUM lives two doors down in my neighborhood and I have to see him everyday. It is horrible. He is married and within a week of cutting me off, he was cavorting with other woman across the street, and I had to watch it all play out.

Talk about heartbreak. It was and still is hard not to collapse. And in the beginning, he would watch me outside, etc. It is not fair for you to have to quit your job to get away from him and his crappy behavior. If there is any way to avoid the meetings, etc.

If not, you will have to suffer through the meetings. Oh the tangled webs we weave. If I had known that it would be so hard to deal with our proximity if we broke up, I never would have gotten involved. The problem is that since assclown pursued me for 4 years, I figured once I finally gave in to his advances, we would never break up.

I told him we could never go back to the way things were before we got together. It is a terrible position to be in. Think about if you have any options at all to avoid him more, and let us know how you are doing. Hang in there! Devastated: You are doing the right thing. I totally feel that you need to resolve any last minute questions with him so that you will be able to move on.

Of course, I hope it works out as you hope, but if not we are all here for you. He has had enough time to figure out what he wants. This is going to be a very difficult time for you, but what you will have that will help you through this is your pride, and control over your destiny, and the ability to make choices for yourself.

Yes, you will miss him, but you already have missed him, so you are right, what is the difference? The finality will be heartbreaking for you, but knowing that you made a sound decision based on your talks with him, and are telling him to pee or get off the pot, will be enpowering for you, and will be the driving force behind your ability to maintain NC.

Now, as I just told T. Think if you have any alternative to that situation and tell us what happened tonight. He has had his phone shut off all day today and so I think this is the straw that broke the camels back for me. I packed up all his things and put away all the things he had ever given me.

My Ex Is Dating Someone Else Already And It Hurts - Should I Do No Contact?

I wrote down my thoughts to get them out of my head. I am done! No more! I will have to see him on tuesday, but I will deal with it. I have to keep telling myself that this is all his loss.

I mean really, what did he have to offer to me? I am prepared to not even give him the choise of peeing or getting off the pot. He just needs to leave me alone. I fully intend to just start ignoring him. I know this will be hard, but I am going to keep reminding myself of all the horrible ways he has made me feel and all the nights I spent crying over him!

I am pissed off ay him and myself for allowing this to happen. I thought that if I talked to him face to face it would be easier for me. But I am not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me get upset again.

Thank you for helping me and I will let you all know what happens. This sucks! When will I start to feel better is the question. What a craphead!! Big surprise! Perhaps you fear running into him with his new fling on his arm. That is understandable but you must have friends that were not part of the relationship you had with him. By having people around you it is easier to avoid a state of severe depression. Stay busy and stick close to friends for the moral support they can offer.

A word of caution is probably in order here. You will commonly hear others complaining that so soon after the breakup he is already dating someone else. Remember, it works both ways! Broken hearts are not relegated to married couples and many a budding new romance began at encounter groups like New Beginnings. These groups have dances and social functions as well as group meetings to discuss their emotional state after breaking up.

Check with your local churches for times and locations of meetings in your area. If your depression gets too extreme and you find that you are just not able to carry on normal daily tasks as usual then perhaps you should be talking to a trained professional. Some women even have difficulty getting dressed in the morning as they feel there seems to be no reason for it. It is in times like these that it is important to learn to cope with the pain. This is even truer if the breakup was particularly nasty and he tried to bring you down in the process.

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  1. Malagrel

    I apologise, but it not absolutely that is necessary for me. There are other variants?


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