You tell dating someone alot older for that
Posted in Dating
When I was 25, I spent a year dating a man 20 years older than me. The Older Man was also my editor, which added a power imbalance to the mix-a dynamic we all know can be equal parts problematic and irresistible. I wonder: What do we gain and lose from dating someone of a different generation? The Older Man was a peculiar person. For one, he wore silk onesie pajamas that he meticulously ironed to have a crease down the center of the pant leg.
May 01, Here, a year-old woman explains what it's really like dating an older man nearly 15 years her senior-and lays out the good and bad parts of dating older ektaparksville.com: Jasmin Perez. Oct 13, In their defense, I hardly grew up dating or crushing on men close to my age group. I always seem to date guys between 10 to 20 years older than me, Author: Kateri Wozny. Sep 24, 17 Harsh Truths About The Older Boyfriend. Are you a high school freshman dating a college freshman? A year-old dating her year-old boss?.
Talk to me with an open mind and kind heart, ask me about my church or my education-get to know me. I understand that my boyfriend and I do not come in the best package but we are the best for each other.
We consider ourselves one of the lucky few that actually found the other person out there in this big world made for us. My advice to you is love without worry.
What I Learned From Dating a Much Older Man
Listen to your heart and follow it. Maybe you need someone a little older, maybe you need someone a little younger, maybe your soul mate out there is a different race than you, maybe they are the same gender. Love with an open heart and allow love to come into your life. Celebrate the people around you who have found love, and love unconditionally. I found that the things I could forgive in someone younger were things I expected someone older to have grown out of already.
Lastly, I would guess that a relationship with a large age gap has a higher risk of being manipulative or controlling especially if, for example, the younger person is dependent on the older one for housing or stability.
Again, I am not saying all age gap relationships are bad - a bad relationship is a bad relationship regardless of age or, a good relationship regardless of age. But I would argue that there is reason behind the caution, and it IS a big deal. Erin- Valid points! Being in a controversial relationship such as mine is not for the faint of heart, that goes without saying. Of course my relationship is not simple or easy- not because of the age difference, although that presents issues that are different to people in relationships with similar ages, but because it is a relationship.
The examples you presented- sexual issues, personality differences and controlling behavior are certainly not specific to couples with an age difference, those issues are open to everyone and most everyone could probably relate to one or two of themregardless if the relationship was between people of the same age or different. My personal experience has had its share of ups and downs but it is only with two people willing to tackle each issues that presents itself that we have persevered.
We have both had to grow, change, listen, and be selfless to get to the point we are at today. While I would have loved to share the good, bad and ugly of my relationship- I was writing an article and not a book and chose to focus on provoking thought in those who read it and giving them a different perspective on an issue that most find taboo.
Thank you so much for reading it and providing your feedback! How are any of these thing different than with a younger man? All people of the same age are the same? There are fewer issues in dealing with an older man. First, they are more likely to know who they are. Being a relationship with someone who is still trying to figure themselves out is doubly hard.
An older man is more thoughtful of others because he has less to prove. Older men are ready to limit their lives to one woman, and are not constantly wondering if there is something better out there. This is why society has a problem with age gap relationships: biology. Biology tells a man he must spread his seed and women that they must find a man that can protect them and help raise the children. Biology also tells us that we, as a society, must enforce those rules in order to survive as a race.
This is why we slut-shame girls, but not boys. This is why guys get a high-five for conquests, while girls are harassed for sleeping around. This is why gays are harassed. The same with age gaps. However, our existence is not threatened anymore at least not in that wayso those old rules no longer apply. Try to get over your judgment. Love this article. Beautiful article. One thing I do take issue with, however, is the dismissal of college guys all together as suitable mates for a mature 21 year old woman.
Age is not a guarantee of maturity and your characterization of them plays just as much into societal preconceptions as those that you decry. Of course there are the 21 year old beer gut date raping frat bros but there are also the super creepy mid-life crisis guys who want a hot young thing as an accessory.
It all depends on who you find and I think that that on that point I can agree with you. Age brings experience- and no amount of maturity can match those extra years of experience. At the beginning of any of those relationships the younger person will most likely be more susceptible to being taken advantage of.
Yes, it all depends on who you find and that they are a good match for YOU and only you are able to make that decision. Many people do find love in college and are very happy, for those people and anyone else that finds love, I celebrate them :.
I really enjoyed reading this and found it nice to know that someone else get this kind of relationship. I have to say, though, the judgment really never bothered me - I was very aware of the risks I was taking and it was more important to take a shot at love than deflect cheap shots from random strangers. I was also lucky enough to have parents who are older than my boyfriend who were very accepting once they saw how much I cared about him and how well we interacted. The real warning I think is that even as the younger woman, there are times where you might still be the one thinking ahead or desiring to move faster in the relationship.
And, after many dating experiences and over a year in my current loving relationship, the most important thing to realize is that such is the case in pretty much every relationship, as least for me.
The point is, it seems like you two can effectively communicate through those times when you might be out of sync. At least, I know that the key to our successful May-December romance. This is such a beautiful artucle it made me tear up and gave me hope for my 16years older boyfriend.
Thank you so much.
DATING OLDER MEN .. (dating someone 3+ years older)
Hello, Ronesha. The laws are too strict. Once you are 18, there are no rules. Or for a woman, subtract 7, then double it. Of course, that is quite limiting, but so is society. We have good communication and have the same goals in life. Age is nothing but a number.
Dating someone alot older
We both have kids - his 3 girls are grown, of course, and mine are finishing elementary school. He interrelates with my boys so well - it has been the greatest blessing.
It is just another experience for me to have that reminds me to not judge others and their relationship choices. There are so many challenges in even the most seemingly perfect relationship, so who gives a rip about age. The lady who made that negative comment sees only the negative in things.
She must be a sad person.
I only feel sorry for her. Best of luck to you and yours! Hi Hope! Thank you so much for commenting on my article, I feel very special since you never comment! You have made my day and ironically given ME hope! Thank you for sharing that with me, I wish you and your man all the best and I am so glad you are happy. And I agree, comments that are narrow-minded and self-righteous only speak volumes about the commenter, I can only celebrate love and the love those around me find.
Thanks again, darling.
I just got out of a horrific relationship with someone my age. I am now dating a guy 27 years older than me as well and have been for the last year. It of course is hard Amin some cts but I have never been happier! You go girl!! There are some differences in our relationship especially about out past!
Hi Kristina, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my article! We all have made mistakes, we all have hit some bumps in the road but just try not to make the same mistakes over and over again and move on. Hope that helps a little, or maybe gives you a different perspective.
Best of luck darling. Rachel, Meaning to comment on your main article but responding to all the amazing comments first on my way down to the comment part of the website to comment on your article, lol. Live in the moment. I can totally relate!! Could I get your email address? I love to connect with people in similar situations.
Thank you for this article! I, too, am dating an older man 32 years older than myself. We compliment each other in so many ways.
He teaches me new things and i make him feel young again. Love is love! I could be with a young guy who treats me badly, or with an older guy who absolutely adores me and treats me like gold! It is really great to hear from other woman with similar relationships. I say Live, and let live! Best wishes to you all! Hey Katie, I am 34 dating a guy aged Just saying, respect and best wishes, and also, you could be with an older guy who treats you badly, or a young guy who treats you with respect.
As well as the options you stated! What matters most is that you make each other happy. Hey everyone! And my mom even younger then him in 4 years. But the first in my life I found love and happiness. We are in the same level in life. And you know I read all of this comments.
And I thought if a Hollywood couple had such age difference nobody even dare to judge them. But why us? How we different from them. I love this! Thank you for sharing your experience! I Am dating a man 20 years older.
The way he treats me is the way it should be always. Our relationship is so open and honest, full of compassion and thoughtfulness that I am confident that I have made the right choice in pursuing it.
I could care less about the haters. I am shown love everyday and that is all that matters!
Best wishes for you and yours! Hey Maritza - awesome and good for you. Im also 34, and its great to hear someone the same age as me is open to seeing someone so much older, I met a man aged 59, amazing in every way, do you want kids?
IM not sure, just curious how you feel about that with the age gap xx. My guy and I both have children from previous marriages. The topic of having one together has been mentioned and granted we both do not want anymore kids, we would not be totally upset if it happened. Obviously, to have kids is a subject that should not be taken lightly. Given the age gap it should be one deeply considered respectively. What I asked myself was, If I were to have a child with my guy and if something were to happen to him, would I be able to care for the child on my own or would I be willing to raise a child on my own?
The last 4 years have been spent with a man 23 years older than me. We have had our ups and downs and have actually decided to take a break for a little while because I am having issues with his past and with my insecurities and jealousy, which he has trouble dealing with. I need to decide if I can accept all of who he is. One thing is for certain; I love the man with all my heart and sole. We are in different places in our lives and it is testing.
He is my first love, but he has been around the block. There is a lot of scary stuff to think about and to consider but I so badly want to make it work. Has anyone been able to get over similar insecurities? This is a problem in many relationships, not just ones with a large age gap. I want no one else but he cannot continue a relationship with an emotionally unstable woman, and I understand that. He loves me deeply and is honest and loyal, but he is also only human.
Any words of advice from someone in a similar situation would be greatly appreciated. Hello darling, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I am sure most women in relationships can relate to your current struggle, age difference or not but whereas most men carry around one piece of baggage, our older partners have had the time to accumulate a few pieces of baggage, some carry-on luggage, an air plane pillow and a back pack if you get what I am saying haha. My only advice to you would be 1.
Just as you did not know him four years ago. As long as the man you have now has the qualities that you need and want, what more could you ask for and 2. In my case, the reason my boyfriend is a great boyfriend is because he has fucked up with all the women before me. He made bad decisions, he took wrong turns and they all lead him here, so I kind of appreciate the baggage because without it, he might not have made it to me.
Best of luck Dixie! But anyways lm glad im not along on this journey. I absolutely applaud this article you have written!
I am also in a relationship with an older man, 24 years older, and we always get the looks, the stares, the your daughter is so pretty comments. I got totally ridiculed by one of his classmates at his 40 year high school reunion.
We are happy! Those that judge you because of your age difference are ridiculous and have problems within themselves. Cheers to you both for a long and happy future together!! Thank you so much darling. It sounds like you are truly happy and only you know what is right for your heart, I applaud you for following it.
Best of luck to you and yours :. This article gave me so much hope!
Feb 05, Another lesson in dating: a fling with someone in your professional/personal circle is more often than not bad news. Older guys instantly thought they had a Author: Sophia Glass. Apr 17, The problems that arise when dating someone much younger than you will depend on exactly what the age difference is and all the life experience that they (and you) bring to Author: Karen Fratti. Apr 04, How big of an age difference is too much? What advice is there for Christians who want to date someone or marry someone who's older or younger? Here are 4 tips for Christians dating .
We met at work and we could not resist our feelings anymore. Thanks for the wonderful article and I wish you two the best of luck! So happy I ran into this article. I was just curious to see how many others were in similar situations since its something I do not see everyday.
I am proud of my relationship and all of the great qualities and foundation we have built. With his wisdom and my old soul we are in sync with one another and it makes things so much more fun and exciting. LOVE your article!! I am 28, my husband is I think we had it a lot easier because he has never been married, nor had children. I have always been way ahead of my time.
He wanted to party and play video games. I purchased a home at 18, and guys I was meeting in my early twenties still lived at home, and mainly because they wanted to continue partying and playing video games. I met my husband two years ago, at work. We ended up hanging out on accident during a work function that customers were included in, and the rest is history.
I wish all of you strength and wisdom as you go on in your lives with these men. The ONLY bad thing I can say about it, is that as time goes on, I love this man more and more, and I realize that he will die before me, and I will be absolutely heartbroken.
That is the one terrible ct of our relationship, but I do believe our years of complete happiness will outweigh that pain. Best of luck and love to everyone. Hey Katherine, I am 34, boyfriend Amazing to hear your story.
So happy for you. I too am afraid of being heartbroken losing my partner. As I am still sorting my head out about it?!! Hey Clare. Thank you Rachel for writing such a fantastic article that has struck so many chords with me! But all I can say is that I am completely in love and so is he and we have so much support from everyone. Any advice would be great!!! He also told me today about how he is probably going to die before me and I almost broke down and cried right there.
But I love him so much that nothing can change that. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to reply! The part about how your boyfriend brings up that he will most likely die before you is sad but something you have to come to terms with being in an unconventional relationship, as we both are. To be open and honest about all of the obstacles you may face can only make you and your relationship stronger. Best of luck to you darling, may your future be bright and full of love!
Im 22 and bf is 57 greatest man ive ever came encountered with, he understands me, and i understand him. We been through a lot of ups and downs. But still staying strong because our love is deeper than ever. But the only problem is my family nor friend accepts our relationship.
I hate to cut them out my life, but i dislike the negative energy.
I dont like that i cant bring him around are have family dinners. I feel so alone at times, but trying to stay strong for him. Not that what ppl say bother me, but it definitely hurts.
Its just me and him against the world. Another thing is hes really insecure and jealous, our relationship has been emotionally abusive because he cant even see why i love him so much, i try hard to reassure that hes the only man i want and love. Thats not what i want though. Their immature and not on my level of expectations. I know he loves me with all of him. But how do i deal with my family. Friends, and his insecurities.
I agree with Erin, Christina. I feel any relationship, age difference or not, cannot survive and thrive without a foundation built on trust. Your boyfriend needs to trust in your decision to be with him, he should cherish and love you, not spend time emotionally abusing you. Best of luck darling, take care. Agree with Rachel and Erin, age gap awesomeness is great, enjoy, any relationship of any age with insecurities, when not dealing with them, bad.
Thank you for the brave well spoken article! I too am dating a man 30 years my senior and I have never been happier. I am a very beautiful much like yourself!
It is so nice to read such a supportive positive article and nonjudgmental responses! My parents, like yours, stand by my decision and adore the man I am seeing because they respect me, knowing they raised an intelligent young woman. He encourages me to finish my masters degree and travels with me all over the world.
Despite some of the negativity I have received from acquaintances I have never been in a more healthy, fun loving relationship than I am now. Funny question for you, how do you respond when people assume you are his daughter? So that was an issue. I was like. What are we supposed to do all day?
When the Older Man and I eventually ended it, I chalked it up to the age gap. But in hindsight, I think we might have just been incompatible. Realistically, the proverbial conflict of horse tranquilizers versus fresh produce can happen in any relationship, regardless of age.
Aug 17, When I was 25, I spent a year dating a man 20 years older than me. Before the Older Man, I'd never been in a relationship with someone of a significantly different age-older or younger-but I Author: Karley Sciortino. May 30, I have been with someone who was 9 years younger than I was and 7 years younger. I am very active so I thought it would be better to find someone who was younger. Though that ct was correct, the rest of the relationship was lacking enough that. I just got out of a horrific relationship with someone my age. I am now dating a guy 27 years older than me as well and have been for the last year. It of course is hard Amin some cts but I have never been happier! You go girl!! There are some differences in our relationship especially about out past! He's had a rough one and so have I.
I wanted some insight on age gaps, so I called my friend Chelsea Fairless, a year-old designer and one half of beloved IG account everyoutfitonsatc. Previously, she seriously dated someone 27 years her senior. Somehow I just ended up here. But Chelsea says there are benefits to a generational gap.
She also keeps me in the know about who the new cool rapper or cool model is, which I no longer have the energy to figure out by myself. Often younger people have less queer trauma. And then you have to deal with all the haters.
Age-gap relationships come with a certain amount of stigma, and that external skepticism can start to infiltrate your couple. I knew I eventually wanted a family. I still liked the guy. Eventually, it did fizzle out. Instead of just getting a hit of Botox, he was set on partying to prove it to himself and everybody else. A year-old playing 30 grew past its prime for me. After it ended, he talked to a lot of people about our relationship - and what happened through the grapevine was unexpected.
Older guys instantly thought they had a shot. Some guys my age made fun of me. I sometimes imagine what would have happened if I had stayed with my older man. As for me? Twenty years was too many.
The same age always seemed too young.