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Does birth order have any bearing on how your love life plays out? A little, experts say. Below, Blair and other experts on birth order offer a few examples. Oldest children tend to be intelligent and responsible high-achievers. When they grow up and fall in love, these positive traits usually serve them well, Blair said.
Two people must work together on being considerate, caring, and mutually supportive. Naturally the Cub took advantage of his new caregiver. Sande had to put up with my fussy eating habits and picking up my clothes after me wherever I dropped them.
This went on through the early years of our marriage. One day, while I was working on my doctorate, Sande heard me expostulating on how to discipline children and hold them accountable for their actions. The light dawned. If holding children accountable for their actions is good, holding a husband accountable might be even better, Sande thought. She went into action. Soon I found my little piles of clothing where I had left them.
In no time the apartment became covered with my piles. Then came the day when I could not open the door because Sande had shoved a giant stack of my clothes against it to make room for whatever she was doing. That got my attention. Sande and I had a long overdue talk and shared our feelings.
She said: "Look, I want to be your wife, not your mother. You learn to pick up your own clothes and put them where they belong.
Also, I'm going to fix different things for dinner.
I expect you to at least try some new dishes. You owe that much to yourself and to our children-if you want to be the good role model you keep talking about. I said: "Okay, I'll try to do better, but you have to promise me that you'll serve only canned peas and corn-no frozen peas! Learning to pick up my clothes and eating different foods was just a start as Cubby Bear learned how to grow up and become Papa Bear.
One of the best bits of wisdom I ever received concerning marriage came from Dr. An only child, Dr.
Dobson is scholarly, organized, conscientious, and reliable. So one day while Sande and I were having lunch with him, I asked, "Jim, if there was one bit of advice you could give me, what would it be? He glanced at Sande and then back at me and said without hesitating, "Kevin, before you do anything, whatever it isrun it by Sande first. Obviously Dr. Dobson's advice applies to any birth-order marriage match, but it especially applied to the last-born Cub and Mama Bear!
I said to myself, If an only child with Jim Dobson's credentials thinks that's a good idea, then I do too! I've tried to follow his advice ever since and it has always paid off.
As we have seen, two married middle children will probably not communicate well. They tend to feel it isn't worth the hassle to confront each other.
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They may also discount the value of their own opinions. These attitudes are typical of middle children. One simple little device that I have used with great success when counseling a middle married to a middle is the suggestion bowl.
Place a clear bowl or jar in a prominent place where both of you can see it and deposit in it your suggestions. Keep pads of paper and pencils or pens handy. The husband should use one color of paper; the wife another.
brittleighhhh. According to William Cane, author of the The Birth Order Book of Love, your birth order affects your personality, which is directly related to how you interact with other ektaparksville.comlly, this will affect your romantic relationships as well. The most common descriptors for the birth order hierarchy are: firstborn, middle or later born, last born, and only child. Birth order (or, if you are adopted, your place in the family) also plays a key role in determining our personalities and can help us to understand human nature. Not only can we examine our birth order to learn about ourselves, we can also use it to understand others, especially when dating (or maneuvering existing relationships). Sep 02, Dating a fellow "alpha" might result in discord and lack of compromise. Surprisingly, Kevin Lemon, author of The Birth Order Book, claims that only children are best off .
When the husband wants to tell his wife something, he writes a suggestion on his pad and drops it into the bowl. And when the wife wants to give hubby a suggestion, she does the same.
Some spouses-particularly men-think the suggestion bowl is too much of a crutch, but I talk them into trying it anyway because, the fact is, some of us simply can't look our mate in the eye and tell him or her what is on our mind.
Some other tips to keep the middle-child marriage healthy include:. According to birth order studies, middle children and last borns rank right up there as potentially successful pairings for marriage.
The middle child, typically strong in negotiating and compromising, pairs up well with a socially outgoing baby of the family. And somewhat paradoxically, this kind of marriage has a high probability for good communication-sharing feelings and rolling with the punches. Yes, I know I said earlier that middle children tend to clam up and not share emotions, but the plus factor here is that middle children are not as threatened by babies of the family as they might be by meticulous exacting first borns.
So, the odds-and remember, all of these birth order pairing observations go by the odds-are good for decent communication. Here are some tips for making a fairly good blend even better:.
Birth Order and Romantic Compatibility
I have already touched on how last borns can get into financial trouble in a marriage. They have a big problem with answering the metaphorical question, "Who is running the asylum?
Two last borns must put their heads together and decide who will pay the bills, who will do the shopping, who will cook and clean up, who will take charge of the social calendar, who cleans house, and who is point guard on disciplining the kids.
Notice I said "point guard" for discipline, which suggests that Mom and Dad are a team, but that one of them may have to take the lead while the other one is backup.
If last borns don't get a grip and make firm decisions on these practical matters, they can arrive in big-time trouble fast. Babies of the family have a tendency to forget or assume their spouse was going to do what needed doing.
I thought you were going to! Last borns have a built-in tendency to pass the buck and blame to someone else, and who is handier than one's spouse?
But if your spouse is last born, guess who's catching the buck and throwing it right back in your face? A counseling device I often use with couples is to sit them in chairs facing each other with their knees practically touching. Then they hold hands and talk about their problems. They have one rule: While one person speaks, the other cannot interrupt; and before replying, the one who has been listening has to "feed back" to the speaker's satisfaction everything that the speaker said.
Yes, this is a ponderous way to have a discussion. But it does wonders for helping spouses learn how to hear each other and understand what each other is saying.
Birth order dating
That last question might open up the door for practicing more active listening, as long as you avoid being defensive. And that brings us to the next tip:. Now that I've touched on the so-called "best" and the statistically "not so hot" birth-order combinations for marriage, have I left you encouraged or discouraged?
Maybe you're a bit puzzled because you're supposed to have a dandy marriage but things aren't going that well. Maybe you're indignant because you aren't considered a good match and you get along just fine, thank you!
In the book, The Birth Order Book of Love, author William Cane wrote that the order of your birth has an effect on your personality, which has a direct relation to how you deal with other people, and eventually your romantic partner. Firstborns. Older brother of brothers Nearly in every culture, first-born males are treated like a king. Sep 21, Because of birth order, the place in their families of origin, spouses have different experiences growing up, and that shapes behavior, personalities and relationships with each other. I just made a whopping marital mistake. More than a week ago I told Sande, my lovely bride of more than 40 years, that a TV crew was coming to our home in a week. Your Best Match. Now you can get a personalized compatibility analysis custom written for you by William Cane, author of The Birth Order Book of ektaparksville.com deluxe compatibility analysis explains who your best romantic match is, and it tells you how compatibile you are with your current partner (if you're dating or considering dating someone in particular).
So what does Leman know about anything? All of these discussions of which birth-order combinations make strong or weak marriages follow the same principle that I have been repeating and will continue to repeat throughout this book: When talking about birth order, all general statements are indicators, not rules.
In other words, all these general guidelines are arrows, pointing in a certain direction, but that hardly means that the fate of your marriage has been decided by your birth orders. And they aren't an excuse for saying, "Well, it's hopeless. We're both first borns and that means we're doomed to divorce. I know plenty of marriages where two first borns get along very nicely.
What Your Birth Order Can Tell You About Your Love Life. But as any older child/youngest child couple can tell you, your birth order does play a role in how you give and receive love. Below, Blair and other experts on birth order offer a few examples.
My own first-born sister, Sally, is an example. She married first-born, Wes, a meticulous perfectionist who is a dentist. You would think that by now Sally and Wes would have picked each other to pieces, but not so.
They have built a great marriage around a common faith in God, a sense of balance, and plenty of hard work, and they have three super kids to show for it. So the good news remains the same.
Birth order is never a final determinant of anything, only an indicator of problems and tensions that you may discover or create for yourselves. No matter what your birth order and that of your spouse, what counts is how you use your particular strengths and how you modify or deal with your particular weaknesses. There is no big mystery in making your marriage work, but it is always difficult.
Knowing birth-order characteristics of you and your mate is just one step toward learning how to get along and have a happy life together. Another important step is understanding each other's life-style.
Kevin Leman believes your personality tendencies, your business savvy, your perspective on parenting, and your choice in a marriage partner are largely determined by birth order - by whether you are the oldest, only, middle or youngest child. In today's excerpt Leman tells us which birth order pairs make the best couples and why. May 28, Ever wonder how birth order and your personality affects your relationship? Find out when you read this free article that includes advice on how to make your pairing work at ektaparksville.com Jan 23, Let's look at some birth-order basics and discover what these patterns might mean in your romantic relationships. The Firstborn Child Typically, a first child grows up to be a conscientious and achievement-oriented adult who enjoys being in control and strives to please others.
When they grow up and fall in love, these positive traits usually serve them well, Blair said. Those are all good qualities to bring to the table, but there are downsides to loving a first born, too, said Michael Grosea parenting expert and the author of Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It.
If compromise is the cornerstone of a good relationship, middle children have a leg up on other birth order types. Youngest children are often attention seekers, risk takers and charmers.
What Your Birth Order Can Tell You About Your Love Life
On the negative side, they often expect others to make decisions for them and can be a little too flighty for some partners. On the bright side, youngest children are more likely to loosen up a serious-natured first-born child. News U.
In contrast, firstborn children statistically come out on top across the board. PlentyOfFish collected data from 7.
There were some variations on the statistics depending on how many siblings each user had: for example, firstborns with two younger siblings were about 5 percent more likely to find a relationship through the site, while those with three younger siblings were about 9 percent more likely. Gooding also spoke to the motivation behind the study.
Posted on June 10, By Metro. Credit: PlentyOfFish A new study finds that middle child syndrome carries over into the dating world.
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